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When Relationships Go Sour


When relationships go sour


couple.jpg* You can face the pain or run away from it.

Although it is difficult, you will heal quicker by dealing with it, rather than distracting yourself by other means such as overworking, substance abuse, getting involved in into another relationship, or being so busy, you cannot think.

* There is no need to carry guilt indefinitely.


If you made a mistake, then it is natural to feel guilty for a while. You may want to apologise, depending on the situation. However, carrying guilt is of no use to anyone.

* Allow yourself to express your emotions in a healthy way.

Feel your emotions and acknowledge them. If suppressed, they will likely find another way of coming out. Feeling is part of being human, it is normal and there is no need to be embarrassed by how you are feeling. You might be feeling “stupid” for believing the person, for not listening to your friends who warned you. All you can do now is accept that this is part of our human condition… when we first fall in love, no one can talk us out of it J.

* Do useful things to express your emotions

Write, sing, dance, draw, talk to a professional, this can help you heal by expressing yourself without judgment from anyone. It is also useful to give yourself some time each day (30 – 60 minutes) to give attention to your painful emotions and not allow them to take over your whole day. Once this time is up, do something for yourself that you enjoy, even if it is just a cup of coffee or sitting in the sun.

* Be aware of your mind-set

It can either help you go forward or keep you in a state of fear, sadness and regret. It is very easy to remain hurt and angry, but that would not help you personally. Take each day as it comes and choose the attitude that will uplift you without ignoring the difficult emotions.

Some ideas on how to move on

*Health. Working on having a healthy mind, body and soul is a great foundation for recovery. It will help you to let go of the hurt and be clear minded in your everyday life matters. Stress can be decreased and your thoughts clearer.

* Goals. Remember your own ambitions and goals and focus on them. If you have forgotten yours, now is a good time to start thinking about them. Confidence can be rediscovered or found again by being motivated and seeing your dreams becoming a reality.

* Fun. Don not hide from your friends. Do some fun things with friends and groups of people. You will realise that you are not alone and can have fun without a partner.

* Going out. It is not necessary to stay away from places you went with your partner. If you like the place, the view, the food, then there is no reason you should miss out. You can go with friends.

* Be alone. It is also important to do something for yourself by yourself. Learn to be alone and learn to enjoy your own company. You are a wonderful person!!!

* Letting Go / Forgiveness. Forgive yourself and forgive the person in your own time. Making a choice to forgive immediately does not mean that you will actually get over your heartbreak straight away, it takes time. It just gets the process started and puts you on the right path to recovery.

* Negativity. Avoid negativity towards the entire gender (“Men are trash / women are cheaters!”) Just because we go through a bad experience or break-up does not mean the entire human race is going to hurt us. If we have this negative outlook, we may miss the wonderful opportunities and people that come our way.

* Break the pattern. You may be dating the same types of people for the wrong reasons. It will be useful to explore this and enable yourself to break the pattern so that you can begin dating the right type of person. Counselling may assist you in this process.

* Learn from your mistakes. A break-up does not mean that you are a failure, it just means that you both wanted different things, and it is an opportunity to learn more about yourself. Become aware of your expectations and assumptions in relationships. Note what you do and do not want in a relationship. It will reduce the chance of wasting time on meaningless relationships in future.



“There are many ways to heal and recover after heartbreak, but the most important thing is for you to know that it is possible. Life is filled with solutions and wonderful ways that will help in

overcoming hardship. If you are willing, you will find what you are looking for. And if a mended, happy, recovered heart is what you seek, then you will find exactly that.”

From: How to gently heal a broken heart